A Case of the Monday’s

Sometimes I shouldn’t look at the workout before I head to the box, unfortunately I am terrible with suprises and the workout is usually posted right as I am getting home from work…so last night I looked with enthusiasm. And then….I panicked…because this is what I saw:

Warm up 1 mile run

10 Rounds of 5 backsquats every minute on the minute

Run 1 mile (faster than the first)

8 Rounds 8 Backsquats every minute on the minute

Run EVEN faster mile

My reaction, what the who? Run the what? Wait a minute, I don’t think I can do that. Back squats, no problem. 3 miles of running in between backsquats….I, I can’t do it.

Now to be diplomatic there is of course an alternative cardio activity (1,000 meter row instead of the mile for anyone not conditioned for that much running,) and after my initial shock I said to myself, “Self. You can do this. You have run 3 miles lots of times. This is your workout, you aren’t going to compete with anyone. You’ll be fine.” But, my Self wasn’t hearing any of it. She was hiding and freaking out. It wasn’t pretty. Despite my night before anxiety, I slept awesome, I did not dream about death by WOD, I slept deep and sound. It was blissful, so blissful in fact that I may or may not have slept right through my alarm this morning, waking up precisely at 9 am, right when the WOD is starting.

So…I was faced with a choice. Skip the WOD (Self was super excited!!!!) or face whatever was making me feel like I couldn’t do this one. Being that yesterday I committed to not skipping a day at the box I knew the decision I needed to make. So…here’s what happened.

I strapped on my Brooks (those are mah runnin shoes!) and I headed out the door, and I started to run. Then I kept running, and running and running…and 4 miles later I found myself at Crossfit on Track. Then I back squatted, rowed, and practiced my pull-ups. Then I ran another mile home. Then I drank a nice cold glass of Shatto Chocolate Milk!

I didn’t run incredibly fast the entire time. I walked some, but I pushed myself and I asked the question I needed an answer to. Why was I so intimidated by this workout? I thought I had resolved this issue with running. The answer came through clearly…running exposes my weaknesses. It makes it clear that I still need to lose some weight, it makes it clear that even though I have improved dramatically I still need to work on my endurance and conditioning and it is a slap in the face to my ego. Running doesn’t make me feel strong like lifting weights does, running (especially outside) makes me feel like I am not yet an athlete. I realize that this post is nuts, because last week I set a PR for a mile, but that was on a treadmill and no one could see me running. Today I had to see if I could translate that speed to the pavement, and I did alright. I averaged a 12 minute mile. Which is really great, and it’s something to be totally proud of. In addition to that I knocked out nearly 5 miles today and a billion squats. I am on track…(wink, nod!!! Crossfit on Track!) and that’s the point of all of this. To keep pushing forward, whether it’s something I am really excited about or a little intimidated by, nothing will change if I can’t make it out the door. So will I wince the next time I see running on the WOD, yeah, probably. But will I shy away? No, the answer is no, I will not back down, I will not give up. I will keep trying.